Don’t worry- this isn’t some crazy manic post where I tell you I have found a portal to Diagon Alley … This is just a post where I compare my mother to the “Dark Lord” and commander of the “Death Eaters”.
I have been re-reading the book, Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Lawson.
The other day, I read this: “When the borderline mother recognizes the [2 year old] child’s separateness, separation anxiety is triggered and different parts of her personality are split off and projected onto the child.” -Christina Lawson (p.40)
It made me think of this: “When Lily cast her own life between them as a shield,…a fragment of Voldemort’s soul was blasted apart from the whole, and latched itself onto the only living soul left in that collapsed building…Part of Lord Voldemart lives inside Harry.” -Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling (p.686)
This may seem like a stretch, but really, it’s the same thing. The trigger for the soul splitting, in both cases, was the healthy emotional reaction of the victim.
Whether it is a toddler learning how to think for herself or a mother sacrificing for her infant, these basic human reactions are intolerable to someone so emotionally damaged as a borderline mother or Voldemort (yes- i just grouped them together), that they basically cause the person to implode and desperately latch on to the most susceptible living soul, the helpless child.
The concept of emotional competence is rooted in understanding emotions as normal, useful aspects of being human. It haunts me that my mother has no emotional competence. Similarly, “Of…love, loyalty, and innocence, Voldemort knows and understands nothing. Nothing. That they all have a power beyond his own, a power beyond the reach of any magic, is a truth he has never grasped.” -J.K. Rowling (p.709)
Harry and I were born into mysterious worlds where tragedies happened before we can remember and the effects ruled our lives. “Children live in terror of [their mother’s] capricious moods; they are the “collateral damage” of a secret war they did not start, do not understand, and cannot control.” – Christina Lawson. “You were the seventh Horcrux, Harry, the Horcrux he never meant to make. He had rendered his soul so unstable… He left part of himself latched to you.” -J.K. Rowling (p.709)
My sister, the scapegoat, is Lily, Harry’s mother. When my mother attacked us both, my sister jumped in the way and sacrificed herself to protect me, she always received the worst spell of all and was the recipient of the most evil curse (ex-communication).
My mom continued to fall apart as her other children grew older and she became weaker and held tighter onto me. As she used me as a shield, I became even more enmeshed with my mother when the curses bounced around the room.
My eldest sister and brother are also horcruxes, perhaps the ring and the tiara. Objects that were quietly imbued with power and elements of evil. They are not actively involved in Harry’s development or growth but they ultimately must be freed from the curse in order to save Harry and validate Lily’s sacrifice.
And where does my dad fit in? I would like to think that he is just a pawn, like the Malfoys, who ultimately rise to help Harry. But really I know he is Bellatrix Lestrange (sorry). A socially inept servant of the evil lord who has blindly devoted his life to my mother’s twisted mission and will die thanklessly to support her.
When I reach out to my mother, her attacks break me down and my belief that I will ever be close to her gets weaker.
Voldemort had to finally kill Harry in order to free Harry. My mother is, at the same time, pushing me closer to rock bottom and pushing me further away from her. When this is over, I will be okay- she will be alone. She just doesn’t understand this.
“ . . . has it gone?”
“Oh yes!” said Dumbledore. “Yes, he destroyed it. Your soul is whole, and completely your own, Harry.” J.K. Rowling (p.708)