Today is my daughter’s 10th birthday. Ten years.
I’m sitting in my kitchen supervising 8 girls in sleeping bags chatting in the dark in my living room. They’ve been here for hours. They had pizza and chocolate strawberries and a movie and now it’s bedtime and I just shushed them again. I’m such a mom.
Mom. I’m the mom. It was my job today to be the mom and stand in the shadows. It was my job to organize the stuff and clean the kitchen between activities and blow up the air mattresses, but I don’t get to play the games and get cozy. And I actually feel okay with that. I’m the adult. I had my turn to be the kid (and to think that taking my plate to the sink magically made the kitchen clean). Now my role is different (I have to actually clean the kitchen). My responsibilities are different.
My friends are turning 40. They look and act the way I remember my parents’ friends did when I was a kid. I think that should feel weird but it doesn’t.
Went to a 40th birthday party last night and my friends are talking about going into work late and leaving early and giving the crappy work to the junior lawyers. It’s funny – they have become the senior lawyers that we were so intimidated by.
We took a group photo and I remembered seeing a photo of my grandparents with a bunch of their friends at a 40th birthday party. I thought they were so old.
I see the circle of life coming around. And I see my role in this game. It’s a role I’ve chosen and I am a little excited about embracing it. Sometimes I look at things as if it’s a tv show and I see the roles that we each play.
It feels like my daughter’s 10th birthday is marking the beginning of my new role. A new decade with new opportunities… We move into a new house in two weeks. I’m starting a new job in three weeks. My husband is expecting a promotion soon. And… I seem to still have reasonable mental capacity to hold all of this.
The last ten years have been hard. Really hard. But I think that they’ve been preparing me for the next ten years which may just be awesome.