Grey

Changed my medication again. I haven’t felt like this in quite some time. Slow. Heavy. Dreary. Like I’m sleepwalking again. I feel like my head is a bit full of cotton and my ears hurt.

Makes me wonder why I walked around like this for years. Why didn’t I just change the medication sooner. Maybe I just wasn’t ready. Maybe my brain wasn’t ready. Regardless, here I am. Those choices are in the past.

My zombie brain can’t even elaborate on any of the things that I want to say. Like the words are floating just out of grasp. I want to document this for the sake of documentation. For my history. I love reading my words so I need to write them down more.

I’m currently on month six of continuous daily exercise (aerobic and weight training videos). It feels great. I’m getting stronger and skinnier. But I still have so much further to go. I can’t believe how far I was from what I thought I looked like.

It’s been almost a decade since my daughter was born. A decade. That’s a long time. It’s a long time to be sick. To have lost yourself and still not be entirely found. Right now I feel a bit like a skeleton encased in rock. I’m chipping away at the rock and uncovering pieces of myself but there’s still a lot of rock left.

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