I’m not feeling great today. Just a bit anxious and a bit depressed. Really, today is what I would have called a good day a few months ago. But now it’s kinda a bad day. Being even a bit depressed doesn’t feel very good. It doesn’t feel good to walk around wanting to die, wishing you’d never been born. I think it will pass soon. But there is always that big fat question mark of doom. Lately, I’ve started to forget that it’s there.
I’ve been drinking about a pint (16oz)(a starbucks grande) of fresh raw vegetable juice each day. I go to a one hour yoga class 2-3 times a week and do ballet once a week and I never get less than 7 hours of sleep a night (I aim for 9-10 hours a night). I eat homemade lunch and dinner at regular times. I take my medicine religiously. I don’t ever drink any alcohol. I don’t smoke anything. I avoid all conflict. And I’m starting to feel somewhat happy to be alive.
Lately, I’ve been saying “yes” to more and more social commitments, helping people with stuff, caring for my kids alone. But then I feel overwhelmed and I’m not sure I can chew all that I bit off. I have to remember that as good and competent as I might feel today, the confidence is temporary. I mean, I suppose everything is temporary anyways.
Life is a journey with no map. There is no “you are here” button. You are where you are and that is where you are. Just hold on and try to enjoy the ride. Have you got something better to do?