Swirling storm inside

Remember the scene where Anna goes to visit Elsa in the ice castle and Elsa learns that by trying to protect the world from herself, she actually froze the entire town and she starts to swirl in fear.  (I’m obvs talking about the Frozen movie.)

“I’m such a fool I can’t be free. No escape from the storm inside of me. I can’t control the curse… There’s so much fear. You’re not safe here.”

It’s snowing here in Canada. So it seemed appropriate for my kids to watch Frozen three times this weekend.

I remember when I first saw the movie last winter there were so many parts of the film that resonated strongly with me. I especially remember feeling that this scene really captured my internal struggle at the time. And my external struggle of trying to push everyone away so that I wouldn’t hurt them with my pain.

It was only a year ago but I realized watching it this week that I don’t really feel like that anymore. I feel other screwed up things. But today (because today is actually all I can be sure that I remember), I don’t feel a “swirling storm inside of me”. I think that must be a good thing.

There a new feeling that I’ve been having but it’s scaring me a lot. I think it’s called HOPE. I’ve spent a long time without this feeling. I’m very wary…

photo from the frozen movie of elsa in fear with anna in the background.

p.s. I have lots of other things I want to write about this but I can’t seem to get any words out… so we’ll just leave it at that for now.

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