Joining up (a bit late) with my fellow postpartum mamas in a blogging carnival #forMiriam.

As soon as I heard that a woman with a baby in the backseat got shot while trying to drive her car through a White House security barrier, I felt like I had just barely dodged that bullet.

How many times did I wrestle intrusive thoughts that would have put me in danger?

The most upsetting part to me was that Miriam did ask for help. She was trying to protect herself and her daughter. She had been to the hospital, she had gotten the medications…

I walked into an emergency room once. They tell you to go there when you are “in crisis”. I don’t know why doctors tell people that. It was a horrible idea. I waited five hours for a doctor to look at me as if I were the scum of the earth and tell me to hire a nanny.

When I realized that I wasn’t going to get any help, I got up to leave. He said “It’s too late. You should have thought of that before you pulled the trigger by coming here.” (his very poor choice of words) Then he told me that he wouldn’t let me leave until he could call my husband to tell him where I was and to pick me up. I couldn’t leave on my own, even though I’d walked in that way. The hospital had my address from my health card.  He said that he could send child protective services. I had no idea what my rights were. I had walked right into a trap.

Imagine a diabetic walking into a hospital complaining of low blood sugar and being kept waiting for hours, only then to be seen by a doctor who admonishes him for not eating better and calls him a taxi.

I had a 1 year old and a 3 year old. I had a psychiatrist, a therapist and a loving husband. I shouted for help but nobody understood. I walked into the hospital and still I got no help.  I was finally put in touch with a 24hr Community Crisis Response Program provided by Saint Elizabeth Health Care in Toronto (416-498-0043).  I phoned them three more times that year.

Women who know that they have postpartum mood and anxiety disorders do not have enough safe places to turn for real help in times of crisis.

I am a face of postpartum mood and anxiety disorders. #forMiriam


Variations of this post have been sitting in my ‘drafts’ for a while… But I need to start adding my voice to the chorus. I found a ton of support from other women’s blogs. Especially,  postpartumprogress.com and ppdtojoy.com (and now mamascomfortcamp.com). Their honesty and openness was like they were holding up a light for me to see where I was.

@YaelSaar, this video rocked my world. Thank you for putting yourself out there so that I could understand where I was.

2 thoughts on “#forMiriam

  1. I love that you wrote this and gave a voice to this awful illness. The more we talk and educate the more we can fight of the vicious portrayals of PPD. What happened was awful. It was about a loss of life that shouldn’t have been.
    I live in Southern Ontario by the way. We have ZERO resources for women with PPD. Such a shame considering 1 in 5 of us will be diagnosed.


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