In order to rise from the ashes, the phoenix must first burn.
I feel as though I am being reborn.
I walk outside (away from the concrete) and every smell and sight grounds me more and more within my life.
The earth, with the people around me, the sun, the grass, my children, my husband… all part of a circle- a small circle where what you give is what you get when the circle spins again. If we all just give love and kindness, we will share joy.
I can smell the grass. I can smell flowers and tree and air. I can feel the pleasure.
My therapist said that she’s noticed a certain calmness in me lately. I can feel it. I feel like I have a wonderful mellow high. I hope that doesn’t mean that my pills are doping me up. Maybe this is just how lovely life can be when you are open to seeing how lovely it can be.
I know that it has been a long and cold winter but I feel as though I haven’t smelled the grass or breathed fresh air in five years. Like I’m coming out of a long hibernation- escaping the shackles of constant anxiety and fear.
I am learning so much about people, about community, about normalcy, about living lightly. I am learning to be patient and forgiving with myself… and with others.
I have listened to the depths of darkness within my soul and my mind- I feel ready to see how much love and pleasure my heart can hold.