Growing up and getting out

I had a dream last night that I was in a car and my mother in law was driving. She insisted on driving past my parent’s house to be polite because she had apparently promised my mom that she would check if they were home. As we got to the house, my mom came running outside to greet us in a fit of rage. We got so nervous that I jumped out of the car and told her to keep driving to protect herself and my kids. The car sped off with the minivan door still open.

I went inside the house with my mom ranting and my dad moping* behind us. Then I realized that my mom was screaming at me because she was stressed about preparing for her bridge club coming over.

I said, “You are yelling at me because you are nervous about your party, that’s not my fault.”

She said, “So. Don’t you care about me at all? You are my daughter! Help me!”

At that moment, I had an epiphany. I knew that I didn’t have to stay and take this. I realized that I was standing close to the door and I jumped into my shoes and ran out the door, took her car and drove away quickly to find my freedom and my mother in law.

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I really dreamed this last night. Like I needed to show myself the truth. Like I need to remember to trust where I am going and where I am coming from and why. The pull towards ‘mother’ is just so strong.

I know that she will never see me, but it still makes me feel so sad.

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*(I just looked up ‘moping’ to make sure that it was the right word and it said, “Wander around listlessly and aimlessly because of unhappiness or boredom.” –Totally the perfect word to describe my poor, sad father.)

creativity from hardship