I am Rapunzel

I am Rapunzel…

I cried through the Disney movie Tangled because I am Rapunzel. Mom, that makes you…. I’m sorry… it makes you the witch.

Isn’t it odd when a Disney cartoon is actually the most accurate reflection of your life that you have ever seen?

I just wish it was the happily ever after part that brought up the strong childhood memories… but no, it’s the other part.
The part of the Disney movie where a beautiful young girl is trapped by her own mother’s neediness and narcissism.
Talk about being born wearing a hair shirt….

My mother is the witch… (wow. that hurts to even say.)

I was her baby (the youngest of four children). I kept her young- she told me this often. She would love going out with me and would glow when sales ladies asked if I was her eldest and then looked shocked that she had a daughter ten years older than me. As long as she could show me off as her young prize, she was a young mother.

She has always been so obsessed with her youth- covering up each gray hair and wrinkle with piles of makeup. Yet, never teaching me how to wear make up, always chiding me when I tried, telling me that I was too pretty or too young -I was 18. My mother would rage if you said that she was a year older even a day before her official birthday. She is so obsessed with how things look– never considering how they feel.

Like Rapunzel’s witch, my mother never intended to hurt me, it’s just that my desire to live my own life sparked a rage in her that was stronger than the both of us.

I suppose I always knew that something wasn’t right. But, like Rapunzel, my mother made sure that I had no other relationships to compare this one too. So I assumed it was just my burden to bear in return for all she gave me- she gave me my life and I therefore owed it to her. Now I see…and I can’t bear to speak to her. I’m sorry that it has to be this way.

This video is a montage of my childhood.

She even looks like my mother…

Note the aggressive body language and the finger pointing right in the face- I know that…

Rapunzel does not look comforted by this hug… it looks so familiar, it gives me the chills.

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