It’s been a while. How are you? I’m actually doing okay these days. So much has changed since we last spoke. I don’t really know where to start.
I’m actually not really sure that I even want to fill you in. That would involve a lot of re-hashing of shit storms that have already passed, baggage that has been unpacked and repacked and put into storage, and mountains that I have already climbed over, tumbled down and climbed again.
So, maybe I’ll tell you where I’m at now, even though I’m honestly not entirely sure…
I can tell you that I have put down the shovel that I was digging my grave with and picked up a magnifying glass to examine my anxiety and fears with the hope that by seeing them for what they really are, I will be able to take away their power and control over my life.
I am working on healing myself through “permission based healing” and self kindness applied as a salve to my wounds. (thank you Yael Saar at http://www.ppdtojoy.com) .
I read the other day that just as a nursing mother cannot give her baby any nutrient that she does not receive, so a mother cannot give her child any emotional nutrients that she does not have. As I am learning how to listen to, love and care for myself, I am finding that I am also able to give those things to my children (and my husband).
Things have been really hard over the past year (or three) but I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel and the grass is much greener than where I am coming from. I have been doing a lot of focused reading and thinking lately so maybe I am ready to start writing a bit too. This is feeling kind of therapeutic.
So, in summary, blog, thanks for waiting around for me and welcoming me back and for emailing me my password every time that I forget it. And thanks for not minding my lazy grammar and my many run on sentences and my poor use of commas, and also my run on sentences.