Ramblings of a woman on the edge

This is a post that I rambled last November 2011 (shortly before I hit the bottom) but never actually posted because I guess I got distracted with my life. But just in case you’d like a glipse inside my crazy downward spiral, here is some ranting… I’m not editing it because then I will just delete it…

Why are we raising fish in the sea? no. that’s not what I meant. Why are raising birds in the sea? Where is our modern village to raise a child?

People have no respect at all for a mother’s job. for what it means to care completely for another human being. twice this week, i was sitting in my car while my kids were napping because the thought of moving both of them while they were already both sleeping quietly was just too much. for sure one would wake up, or it would just take so long that by the time i moved them, one would be done napping and then, really, why did i waste my few minutes to myself moving them? so, here i am, sitting in my car (not now, last week) and there is no parking on any of the side streets in my neighborhood, and i live in a condo, so i pull over in front of my condo on the street, once right in front of the no parking sign, and once where there is pay parking and both times a friggin police officer comes and raps on my window super loudly and wakes my friggin baby. is it illegal to sit in my car during the day? wtf? it’s so clear that the baby is sleeping…. so insensitive and so clear that they have no awareness or respect for mothers and babies. he doesn’t even acknowledge that he woke the baby (who is screaming crazy) or apologize. i hate them. that is not a public service.

what was the point here? right, this society is no place to raise a baby. but raising a baby is a part of life, so this society is no place to live. the kibbutz is the place to live. i need to find one.

also, we need to incorporate life skills into our education system. not for the pretend life of going to work in an office, but the real life of cleaning poo off the carpet while breastfeeding and pushing poo down the drain in the bathtub and how to keep a kitchen floor clean, and how to cook basic meals and how to organize a home. we need to know these things. everyone, boys and girls. but especially girls. because if i have to hear one more time that i should get a job………. i have a job! i’m on maternity leave from it! maternity leave- to be a mother, not to clean up all day! but clearly, that’s what being a mother means…. someone should have told me. i’d probably still do it, but at least then i’d have known what i was getting into. and maybe i’d have learned before how to do those jobs better. and not be such a disappointment to everybody.

alright, i’ve identified a huge problem in our society. now what to do…