This evening I cleaned all of the windows in my condo. It’s amazing- For the first time in almost two years of living here, I can finally see my view clearly. We live on the 38th floor. It’s a really nice view.
Last summer I was desperate to move out of this condo. I couldn’t stand that the view just wasn’t as great as I expected it to be. It was nice from the balcony but it never looked as nice from inside. It was always a bit foggy. Why didn’t I figure that maybe I should just CLEAN MY WINDOWS??
A few months ago, I noticed the actual dirt on the windows and started thinking about cleaning them. I must have spent six months of my life thinking about cleaning those friggin windows. But from the time that I finally picked up the squeegie, to the time that the job was done, was maybe twenty minutes.
Is this a symptom of my anxiety or just a stupid character flaw? Why do I spend so long thinking and planning tasks that are so small and insignificant? If this is a ‘side effect’ of anxiety, does the fact that I finally crossed the task off my list mean that the Zoloft is working?
Is this a metaphor for my ability to begin to see life outside my world a little more clearly?