Pill Popping Sucks

I’ve been sick. Stupid pills don’t work. I don’t understand why we called them ‘happy pills’ – they are definitely NOT making me happy!

I took a micro-dose of Celexa for two days last week. The horrible side effects came back right away- before I even got to feel any positive effect – and they are lingering, a week after I stopped taking the pills. The worst side effect that I’ve felt (by far) is a horrible ear stabbing pain in reaction to loud high pitched noises. This especially sucks because I happen to spend 24 hours a day carrying around a tiny sound machine (read: Baby). What kind of sick joke is this? As if postpartum depression isn’t enough?? Really!? If I believed in god, I think I’d be mighty pissed off at him right about now.

Also, my stomach sucks. But I think I’ve written enough about poop so I’ll stop there.

So, here is the plan, one more week of ‘detox’,  followed by a starter dose of Zoloft  together with some really hard wishing that it won’t make me want to carve out my ears with a melon baller.

This is actually really upsetting. For the last six months, my husband and I have been reassured by the idea that, even though Depressed and Anxious Lyla seems to have taken over our lives, soon we will have happy pills to make her go away. I am so anxious to get my life back – I just can’t do it on my own… I do think it may be worthwhile to note that I am finding it easier lately to enjoy some things. I put a peeled whole grapefruit in the blender this morning. It was deliciously refreshing.

I really hope these next pills work… but I’m hedging my bets.

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